How do you turn opponents into allies?
You can't convince your boss to give you a bonus while trying to explain how much you need it
But he will surely be convinced if you explain to him that your hard work makes him appear well in front of his manager and that you both will deserve a bonus.
In other words, the more you put the interest of the other into consideration during the conversation, the more open and accepting you will find to implement what you aspire to.
Hence and to implement that smart goal in influencing others and exchanging benefit in any type of transaction.
There are several principles that will help you and make you an expert in relationships
The most important thing is to control your emotions
Because controlling your reactions can turn any bad situation into a calm and positive one.
Transform an opponent into an ally q for example
, if he calls you as a customer shouting on the phone about the bad product of your product and attacking with a barrage of bad language.
You have two actions
The first is that you interrupt him by screaming and the situation turns into hostility
Or to calm down and control your reaction and be silent and then listen to him well and then answer simply, maybe I owe you an apology. What can I offer you in this situation?
The customer will answer either calmly.
Or at the very least, your response will make him feel that you are on his side and not his opponent, which will help you apply the following principles.
But if you choose the path of emotion, you are the loser from the beginning.
You can practice the various confrontations in your mind to be prepared to face them with calm and restraint.
1_ The first idea: Controlling emotions is the first way to provide a good environment for mutual benefit.
(George Bernadshaw) “The biggest problem with communication is the illusion of its existence.”
Thus, he summarized one of the most important social problems that occur daily to all of us,
That is, the difference in people's view of life due to the different system of their beliefs.
Beliefs are all experiences and knowledge acquired from childhood that shape the way we understand and approach life.
And because every person has a different way of education and study, so you will not find two who understand all things in exactly the same way.
This happens repeatedly with all of us, disagreements between members of the same family or co-workers as a result of something that was said, one of them thought that what he said was intended as an insult, and after a great misunderstanding of the situation, the truth is revealed and souls are cleared. When you face a dispute with anyone, you have to ask yourself the following questions
What caused the misunderstanding in the dispute?
Could you try to put your ideas in another way that would enable him to understand you more clearly?
You think your house is close to the sea and the other thinks it is far
This is just a difference in perspective, but the distance between the house and the sea is fixed and does not change, and when you subtract it in numbers, your knowledge and knowledge of how close the house is to the sea becomes fixed and correct.
In addition to maintaining self-control and calm, with these questions you will be able to resolve any disagreement resulting from a simple misunderstanding after always bearing in mind that anything you say to others can be interpreted in two ways
This is according to the point of view of the listener himself.
Therefore, you have to be precise in presenting your perspective on things so that you simply communicate what is on your mind to others in a well, elegant and tidy manner.
2_ The second idea: Every person has a different perspective on things, and you must learn the principles of respecting the perspective of others.
In order to fully understand the perspective of the other must take into account their own selfishness.
We always mention selfishness in a negative context, even though it is the real reason behind all the successes and inventions that have been achieved throughout history.
A person does anything for a reason that satisfies the selfish desire within him, whether to feel comfortable or to achieve a certain ambition.
Thus, the more you consider the other person's selfishness, the more powerful you can convince and influence them
Because his relationship with you realizes his ego
This does not mean that you should underestimate your ego
Rather, achieve your own ego together
Which qualifies you to set the right framework for the transactions between you
It is like dealing with a small child on the ground, if his parents laugh, the child will laugh and forget about the shock, and if he shows feelings of fear, the child will scream,
Next time, try to laugh in the face of your opponent in an attempt to change the framework of the relationship between you from animosity to friendliness, so that you are the one in control of determining the framework of this relationship in a positive way, sincere welcome, and getting used to it with all your dealings may turn any potential opponent into an ally from the beginning.
3_ The third idea: Taking into account the ego of the other and determining the correct framework for the relationship is one of the general principles in communicating with others.
After you calm yourself down and understand the difference of perspective between you and the other
And even setting an appropriate framework for the relationship through your appreciation and respect for his ego will remain the most important step
It is to present the topic and criticism or presentation that you are going to talk about and how to find the appropriate context for the speech.
This is called civility, and civility is the ability to hold a difficult conversation in a way that does not make others feel threatened
And that through empathy for others. Putting yourself in their position to try to understand their feelings and politics is a skill that can be gained by choosing the right words and the right time to say them.
When you find yourself in a situation where you need to offer criticism or advice or try to convince someone in your family or in your work,
You can first experience the dialogue in your mind. How are you going to say what you want to say?
How will the other feel when he hears what you say?
Is there an interest in him that satisfies his ambitions and desires?
Is the time right for that?
Do your facial features match what you want to convey from empathy to others?
All are questions that help determine what you need,
Remember that courteous statements are warm, not short, direct, and explicit at the same time, and present the problem clearly.
4_ The fourth idea, civility and empathy are the most important principles of influencing others to be able to criticize you in a correct way.